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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25578865">London hoax</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pemberly_11/pseuds/Pemberly_11'>Pemberly_11</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Suits (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Declarations Of Love, Donna Paulsen is a Badass, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Friendship/Love, Harvey Specter being Harvey Specter, Idiots in Love, Implied Relationships, Lawyer Harvey Specter, Love Triangles, Multi, Oblivious Harvey Specter, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Protective Harvey Specter, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Suits, Team, The Can Opener (Suits), What-If, Workplace Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:33:05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25578865</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pemberly_11/pseuds/Pemberly_11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Darby and Pearson had stayed partners after all? What if Stephen was just who Donna thought he was? What if Scottie was still in the scene? What if… but eventually. Because it's always about Harvey and Donna and in the end everybody knows it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dana "Scottie" Scott/Harvey Specter, Donna Paulsen &amp; Harvey Specter, Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter, Harvey Specter &amp; Original Female Characters, Mike Ross/Rachel Zane, Stephen Huntley/Donna Paulsen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the return</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not sure about when this is set, but surely after season 3, maybe even after Thomas, (Donna is still working as Harvey's secretary), but it is at the discretion of the reader. Just enjoy and make it your way!! This is my first multi-chapter english fic, sorry for any mistake.<br/>Please leave comments and let me know what you think so I can improve! Hope you like it. I'll try my best not to make any typos xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Stephen Huntley had been away for a few years working in London for Darby, but now he was back at the firm, and from what Jessica said, he had been given a more important position in the firm and he was now stable working in New York. </p>
<p>He and Donna catched up immediately, like the good old days, and their new offices weren't so distant from one another.<br/>
They would go to the theatre, their agreement was rock solid (again), but it felt a bit different to both of them right from the start: nothing serious, but more serious than the first time. </p>
<p>On the other hand, the agreement between Harvey and Scottie was always the same, but she understood now that he could never give her what she wanted, so she would just enjoy dinners and good sex. And a very good job, though she was always flying back to London and back again to New York. </p>
<p>Donna got used to Scottie almost immediately and it didn't bother her (much) because she could see the look on Harvey's face: she had learnt to read him and she could swear it wasn't serious. She told him it didn't bother her, but she didn't tell him that she was glad he had that look on his face and that she hated herself because of that.<br/>
As always, he didn't fully believed her when she told him it didn't bother her. Because, deeply, he hoped so.</p>
<p>Harvey accepted Stephen's return with grace because, despite that british accent, he was a great lawyer and a big improvement for the firm, and he told him so. As well as he told him (again) to stay away from his clients and everything would be fine, as long as he didn't cross the border of his territory. </p>
<p>He noticed Donna was being bouncier than usual (actually, she hadn't been for a while) but he didn't want to think about the possible reason.<br/>
Because he didn't tell her that it bothered him the first time and he won't tell her now: but it did, it does bother him because there is something different in her look now. She is simply not looking at him anymore, not in that focused, deep, fixed way she used to: now her attention can be drawn away (almost) any second. They grew a bit apart after all the kisses and declarations and mistakes, but they were still them, even with Scottie around, so he told himself that he should be used to it by now, but something made his stomach tingle this time, and he didn't want to look at it. It would just go away like any other time. </p>
<p>After a few months he was drowning because of a case, and he was tired and alone bacause Scottie was gone for the week and that was all it took for him to lower his guard and look at it, at the reason for Donna's glow, even if he tried so hard not to.<br/>
It was staring at him right in the face: she would laugh loudly at Stephen's jokes and shyly at his, he could see she didn't enjoy flirting in the file room anymore and in the last month they shared a drink only once.<br/>
He couldn't help but see it, because when something was down in his life, the first thing he checked was still in place, was Donna. And she always was, usually. So he looked at it, and the first thing he noticed was how she was always late after her lunch break. </p>
<p>"Did you eat?" he asked one day, leaning against her cubicle</p>
<p>"I had a yoga lesson, but I wasn't hungry anyway" she answered, not lookig up from the computer screen</p>
<p>"I didn't know you took up yoga again" he said with a teasing grin</p>
<p>"You don't know the half of it" she teased back looking up</p>
<p>"Maybe I can join you sometimes"</p>
<p>"Better not" she said, looking at him meaning 'you know it's time to stop now' and shaking her head</p>
<p>"I was being serious, Donna. I am free at lunch tomorrow. There's a new Thai nearby"</p>
<p>"I can't tomorrow, Harvey, but thanks"</p>
<p>"Okay, then… after tomorrow? You gotta eat" he asked really confused and she started seeing where this conversation was going.<br/>
She had thought about telling him but he got so upset about some stupid copies! (again). So she waited, but keeping things from Harvey wasn't her and she decided to rip the band-aid off, as he always said, and just tell him</p>
<p>"I am seeing Stephen" Donna said, stopping whatever she was doing, even breathing, for a moment.<br/>
He looked her in the eyes for not more than one exact second and then frowned:</p>
<p>"After tomorrow?"</p>
<p>"Tomorrow. And after tomorrow. And… today" she said, tilting her head on a side</p>
<p>"Oh" he said surprised and with what she thought was a confused smile on his face</p>
<p>"It's that okay?" she said, keeping her eyes fixed in his</p>
<p>"So that's way you are always late, lately" he said after a few seconds, still confused. He didn't answer</p>
<p>"Yes, I am sorry. Is that okay, Harvey?". He knew what she was asking</p>
<p>"As long as it doen't effect the work, I guess" he said, not confused anymore. He didn't answer. He guessed</p>
<p>"I wanted to tell you, Harvey, but you got so upset back then when it was only some stupid copies"</p>
<p>"That's because you work for me" now he was standing one step from her desk</p>
<p>"I know, Harvey, and I am telling you I don't and won't work for him. We are there and you and I are here. I just wanted you to know" </p>
<p>Harvey felt excluded from that 'we' more than he thought. There had never been a 'we' for Donna. It felt strange to think about her with someone. </p>
<p>He swallowed:</p>
<p>"You should have told me from the beginning, but it's alright. Only don't be late anymore just because of that" he said starting to walk back to his office</p>
<p>"Of course, sorry. And thanks, Harvey"</p>
<p> "You still gotta eat" he said, stopping at his door</p>
<p>"Don't worry about me" she said with a light teasing smile, but his usual responding grin wasn't there. He just nodded, and entered his office.</p>
<p>I can't <cite>not</cite>  worry about you</p>
<p>The situation was civil for a few weeks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the scarf and the button</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you like it guys!! keep telling me what you think! Still sorry for any mistake.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was May, so the early morning were still a bit cold. Donna came in with a big, long but light scarf around her shoulders, covering the skin that her dark red dress had left naked. <br/>From his office Harvey could see a part of her uncovered nek, her hair perfectly on the side and the freakles on her hand while she was playing with a pen (he couldn't actually see them but he knew they were there): the memory of caressing her nek came to his mind, and the softness of her hair and most of all the freshness of her smell. <br/>For a second he felt his stomach ache.<br/>He forced himself to look at the screen in front of him when he saw someone approaching: Stephen Hantley was now in Donna's cubicle, on her right, talking with a charming smile. He couldn't see but he knew she was smiling too. </p>
<p>He heard them talking:</p>
<p>"Never seen you with a scarf before". <cite>I</cite> did</p>
<p>"I was cold" Donna said with a well known teasing voice, not looking at Stephen</p>
<p>"I could have given you my jacket"</p>
<p>"How so, I didn't see you this morning"</p>
<p>"Hopefully I will see you tomorrow morning" and now his tone was almost explicit, leaning closer to her</p>
<p>"You will" she said and paused, "but you can keep your jacket, for now" she added now looking at him</p>
<p>"And you can keep your scarf, for now" he said. Then he leand over, put both his hands on her shoulders and said to her hear:</p>
<p> "Can't wait to take it off of you tonight" and stepped back, slightly pulling the scarf down her shoulders. </p>
<p>Now Harvey could see them too. <br/>His stomach ached again, for a longer time, while he watched Stephen walking away and Donna turning her head to him and smiling very obviously.<br/>He found himself breathing with his mouth open, then he felt what he thought was anger.</p>
<p>He stepped out of his office and parked himself right in front of Donna's desk.</p>
<p>"What was that?" he asked with a louder voice than usual</p>
<p>"Stephen just…" Donna tried to answer but he cought her by surprise</p>
<p>"That was way inappropriate, Donna". She finally saw he was upset, a strange look in his eyes. If she didn't know any better, she would have said it was jelousy showing.</p>
<p>"What was, Harvey? We were just talking" now she was fighting back, because she never liked being ambushed like that, least of all by Harvey</p>
<p>"He touched you, Donna! And that conversation is not appropriate in an office and you should know that"</p>
<p>"He tou… You listened to us?!" she stood up</p>
<p>"Yes, because that damn thing in always on and I wish it wasn't!"</p>
<p>"Mine is always on!" she said with a very firm voice, and paused looking at him straight in the eyes, giving him the time to realize what he had done and why. Then she continued:</p>
<p>"Yours is not unless you press the button yourself" and now her voice was low and smooth, with that halo of superiority she always has when she is backing him in a corner.</p>
<p>Because he knew he was guilty and he knew she knew and now he had that face he always has when he is powerless in front of her. </p>
<p>"You pressed the button, Harvey"</p>
<p>"So?" he said opening his arms, trying to save himself </p>
<p>"You had no right to listen"</p>
<p>"You niether but you do it anyway!"</p>
<p>"Bacause with you it's always business even when it's not! I couldn't care less who you sleep with as long as it doesn't effect the firm” she lied, then continued led by anger “and me and Stephen is everything but business" </p>
<p>Harvey looked… hurt? But he recovered immediately </p>
<p>"I don't care what it is! It was unappropriate, you knew it and you did it anyway" now he was pissed</p>
<p>"I know but you are way too upset, Harvey! I am sorry. It won't happen again, trust me" she said to calm him down. </p>
<p>She knew he was right in the end, but his manners were wrong as always. <br/>Maybe he was too upset: he took a deep breath and nodded. </p>
<p>"I won't do it again and you won't do it again" Donna said, more like an order, with hee usual 'it's another of our deals' tone</p>
<p>They just looked at each other and he walked back to his office. </p>
<p><cite>He</cite> better not do it again</p>
<p>The situation was civil for a week.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sigarette</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"No scarf today" Stephen said, meeting Donna just outside the elevator, starting walking with her to her desk</p>
<p>"I plan on using your jacket tonight"</p>
<p>"At your service"</p>
<p>"Oh, I will need your service tonight" Donna grinned</p>
<p>"Miss Paulsen!" said Stephen laughing, and his voice was loud enough for Harvey to hear him from Donna's desk, where he was waiting to give her some files. </p>
<p>Approaching, her smile faded:</p>
<p>"You are here early"</p>
<p>He answered with a look. She was glowing in her new electric blue dress.</p>
<p>"Hi, Stephen"</p>
<p>"Hi, Harvey" and "see you tonight" he said to Donna, walking away. </p>
<p>"Miss Paulsen, would you mind calling these clients before your tonight date?" Harvey said, glancing</p>
<p>Back at teasing, she thought, as usual. Good.</p>
<p>"Yes, Mr. Specter, I'll do my best" and she smiled a little</p>
<p>"You always do"</p>
<p>He was serious and confident. She smiled wider. </p>
<p>Hearing a heartfelt compliment out of nowhere felt strange. <br/>Hearing his last name from her felt strange, and it always sent a light trill to his chest.</p>
<p>That night was warm and Donna didn't need Stephen's jacket while they walked together. She choose a restaurant near the office and far from her home, but close to Stephen's hotel. </p>
<p>Their meal had just arrived when Donna saw someone entering the restaurant: she lifted her eyes and it was Scottie, Harvey just behind her. She thought it must have been some kind of joke.</p>
<p>Dana saw her too: </p>
<p>"Hi, Donna" Scottie waved, and Donna smiled </p>
<p>"Hi Scottie. Nice seeing you here"<br/>It was not exactly nice, Donna was a bit confused: she didn't read an appointment with Scottie in his calendar, so he must have kept it from her. </p>
<p>Stephen turned:</p>
<p>"Hello Dana! Darby didn't tell me you were coming over" and he laughed. </p>
<p>"Here for pleasure" Scottie laughed back. </p>
<p>At that, Donna looked at Harvey who had been silent all along, as if he hadn't even been hearing what they were saying. <br/>He was already looking at her, with an emotionless but surprised face. Then he nodded and said only "Stephen". </p>
<p>If Scottie was in town she could effect the firm, so maybe Donna was allowed to care about who Harvey slept with, but only this time, she told herself. <br/>In the end she liked Scottie, because she knew she really cared about Harvey, and that was enough. And she really was a brilliant woman.</p>
<p>They were all there for pleasure and Donna just wanted to have a nice evening and then go home with Stephen, so she tried not to get distracted at any laughter she heard coming from their table or any time Harvey's head moved. Thank God their backs were turned, because she could feel his eyes on her spine even when he wasn't looking. <br/>She looked at Harvey only once, in the middle of dinner, when she raised her glass and smiled to him, sincererly.</p>
<p>Stephen was finishing his dessert when Donna said:</p>
<p>"Do you mind if I smoke one? I'll be back in a minute and then we can go"</p>
<p>"Sure, I'll wait here"</p>
<p>He didn't even notice. And neither did Scottie</p>
<p>Donna was standing against the wall, wrapped in her arms. Harvey walked out without saying a word, looking down, placed himself next to her with his hands in his pockets.</p>
<p>"Didn't know you smoked"</p>
<p>"Didn't know you smoked"</p>
<p>"Didn't know Scottie was coming"</p>
<p>"Didn't know you changed your policy" said Harvey with a low voice, turning to face her</p>
<p>"It's basically another firm" Donna said, a bit disorientated </p>
<p>"No it's not"</p>
<p>"It's another continent!" Donna tried to ease the tension quoting Rachel</p>
<p>They were laughing but their eyes were dead serious. And now Harvey wasn't smiling anymore, just looking at her like he rarely was allowed to: out of the office, at night, in a soft light, her cheeks red of wine. </p>
<p>She saw the look on his face</p>
<p>"I have to live my life, Harvey"</p>
<p>"With him?" he said without thinking. She knew what he meant but he swallowed and he spoke again before she could finish her thought. His eyes alarmed</p>
<p>"You changed your policy for him?". He made it even worse. She could say he didn't want to fight, but he wanted an explaination</p>
<p>"And what if I did" she said, tired, opening her arms</p>
<p>"Tell me you didn't". She heard him almost praying, in a very low voice, his eyes fixed</p>
<p>"Not for him specifically, but I did"</p>
<p>"Because you have to live your life" he almost sounded angry, nodding ironically</p>
<p>"Bacause I want to live my life, Harvey. The same reason you are out with Scottie tonight"</p>
<p>"I'm here for business" he was now defensive</p>
<p>"Maybe, but with Scottie is never only business, and that's why you didn't tell me" </p>
<p>"That's not…”</p>
<p>"And what's that, then?" she asked looking at him tenderly, thinking she knew the answer. But this time she didn't. </p>
<p>He looked at her for a second, lost. "It's only business"</p>
<p>"Alright, Harvey" she surrendered, smiling at the ground, "just make sure she knows. I like the woman"</p>
<p>"Yeah" he said, proud. She looked at him, thinking maybe he really liked her too in the end but of course he wouldn't say it. <br/>Disturbed, she tried to change the subject. She tried to cut the tension and lead the conversation. They were in no mood for arguing. </p>
<p>"So, you have a cigarette or not?" and she took a step closer. He stepped away from the wall and laughed. She laughed too.<br/>He was so handsome in that light, with no tie and his shirt unbottoned. Looking at her with a smile she remembered way too well.</p>
<p>"You know I don't" he said, tilting his head and looking at her with his smug face, "But you are cold"</p>
<p>"Little bit" said she lowering her eyes and stepping aside, "I'm going inside".<br/>He stepped in front of her, stopping her gently.</p>
<p>"Take my jacket" he said, ready to take it off</p>
<p>"Better not" she stopped him, with a firm look</p>
<p>"Plaese, Donna. His doesn't match your dress" his mouth was grinning but his eyes were saying a complete different thing</p>
<p>"What would..?"</p>
<p>"I don't care. You are just cold" and he took it off, put it on her shoulders and felt her fingers brushing his hands. <br/>She looked at the sparkle in his eyes, he looked at her slightly open mouth and for a second they felt like they were back to the night they first met. </p>
<p>She didn't want to do it and she hated to do it to him but she had to. So she said:</p>
<p>"Can you tell Stephen i am ready to go?"</p>
<p>He knew she had to do it, but his eyes betrayed him anyway, just for a second, and she saw it. <br/>Harvey smiled sadly</p>
<p>"Sure. Have a great night Miss Paulsen" </p>
<p>"You too, Mister"</p>
<p>Harvey walked in with his hands still in his pockets, sad smile still on his face. Stephen looked at him and they said nothing.</p>
<p>“Good thing I have long sleeves” said Scottie taking his hand back at the table. <br/>Harvey forced a smile to her. She knew it was all useless, so she enjoyed it while it happened. </p>
<p>“Want your dessert?”</p>
<p>“Don’t feel like eating much anymore, sorry”</p>
<p>Scottie looked at him, almost didn’t recognize him.<br/>He really smiled now because he didn’t recognize himself either. What had gotten into him?</p>
<p>“I want dessert, let’s go”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. elevator</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The two following weeks passed: every night Donna and Stephen would go out, three times at the theatre, and he even accompanied her to go shopping for the first time. Scottie had the time to fly to London and come back again. Harvey felt his stomach ache on daily basis, because now he couldn’t help looking at it.</p><p>"I wonder who could have ever sent these" said Donna looking at her computer while Stephen was leaning on her desk looking at the flowers right in front of her</p><p>"Surely someone who knows you don't like yellow flowers and who knows that green matches your hair" Stephen said, keeping his arms crossed and smiling, proud</p><p>"You didn't need to do this" she was now facing him</p><p>"But I wanted to". They smiled sweetly. "Have you told him?"</p><p>"Not yet. Today, I promise" Donna said, and as she was lowering her eyes, Harvey appeared down the corridor.<br/>
Stephen left, nodding, and she stood up to meet Harvey</p><p>"What are these?" Harvey said pointing</p><p>"Flowers" Donna said cutting it short and walking next to him</p><p>"From..?" Harvey still had a clueless expression on his face, like any other day, as every morning all the actions and words of the previous day were erased and everything was back to normal, with no obstacles.</p><p>Donna didn't answer. </p><p>"Oh, so it's serious" said Harvey still smiling, trying to hide the hint of fear in his mind</p><p>"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that" Donna said, following.<br/>
He was now standing behind his desk, he lifted his eyes to meet hers and for one second his fear showed.<br/>
He sat and as it were every day business he said:</p><p>"Talk about what?"</p><p>"Stephen. He wants to take me away for my birthday, only for a few days, and I wanted to ask you if I could have Monday and Tuesday free" she said, with no pressure, her hair redder than ever in contrast with her light blue dress, with the smooth light of the morning caressing her shape right in front of him</p><p>"Your birthday is on Saturday" Harvey said with a rough voice, still trying to figure out that whole absurd future situation</p><p>"Yes, we would leave early for London and come back Tuesday evening. Two days would only be enough to take a flight to Europe so if I want to visit the city even just a little bit I.."</p><p>"Sure, it sounds fair. You can have the two days" Harvey said smiling and opening his laptop at the same time</p><p>"Oh. Thanks. Great. Thank you" Donna said, a bit confused, playing with her hands. She smiled back and walked out the office. </p><p>Nothing was ever that easy with Harvey. </p><p>When he saw her back at her desk he could finally sigh and shake his head. He closed his eyes for a moment. He felt the taste of his coffee coming back in his throat. What was going on? Wasn't 'ripping the band aid off' supposed to make it all go away in a second? He knew he couldn't have said no to her request or he would have looked… annoyed? Jelous? Selfish? He was. He also knew that this situation wouldn't have ended soon so he better try to be civil about it and, not too much deep underneath, he wanted to know everything about it. One part of him wanted this to work for Donna because if anything would give her even a false hope of happiness, he had no right to step in between, even if he wanted to. But the other part of him was agonizing under the twitch of his gut. </p><p>He still thought somehow that feeling was anger.</p><p>Before lunch break Harvey walked to her desk:</p><p>"So… you are going away for your birthday. Sorry I cut it short earlier…" he said with a faked enthusiastic voice that faded in a second </p><p>She knew they still had to talk about it and she appreaciated him making the first move</p><p>"Yeah! Stephen said he has to sign some papers so maybe I get to take a look at their offices too" she said with a grin, trying to keep it cool</p><p>"But it's your birtday" he said, his voice already not pretending anymore, as if he hadn’t even heard what she said, his eyes fixed on hers. As she understood, her smile faded. </p><p>And you never celebrated without me. It's your birthday and you are going away, from me. With him.</p><p>She pretended not to understand. Because, even if she would have loved to celebrate her birthday at the firm with her other family like any other year, she had to live her life, as she wanted to, and this was an opportunity to do it. </p><p>"Yes, Harvey. And that's exactly why I'm going away: it's a way to celebrate. I'll be gone for two days and I'll be back before you know it" she said, and he nodded, smiling nervously. </p><p>He was not worried for himself, he was warried for her: what would she do away? Wouldn’t she get bored? She would miss so much work! She had never missed a day for a reason like this. He couldn’t understand how she could do it but if that’s what she wanted, he’d let her. He would let her do anything, even hurt him. Even leave him. But just the thought of her… Let alone the actual words: he heard her from a distance, her voice was blurred and deadened. She pretended not to understand and as always she made the right choice, so he followed her lead.</p><p>“Well then, I think I can manage for two days, Donna” he said with a wink, cutting it as fast as possible. </p><p>He wanted to know everything but apprently he couldn’t stand it and he would let her do anything but it didn’t mean he could bear it.</p><p>During lunch break Donna and Stephen had actual lunch: they talked about the trip and he already had a very quick and very busy tour prepared for her. She was really enjoying all this and she didn't feel guilty about it. </p><p>Though, the only interesting thing he said was:</p><p>"I'm glad we aren't letting him come between us like the first time. This feels different in so many ways, Donna", and she agreed. Yet</p><p>Friday, before leaving, Donna left a copy of Harvey's schedule on his desk, two others in his top drawer, one to Louis and Gretchen, one to Mike, one to Jessica and one to Rachel with a whole page of notes. </p><p>"Just in case" she said, smiling awkwardly. </p><p>Rachel gave her a look: </p><p>"Harvey doesn't need a babysitter, Donna. Don't worry, we'll be fine". </p><p>"I know" Donna said on the edge of her feet. "just wanted to make sure you don't set the building on fire"</p><p>"You know Jessica is responsible, right?"</p><p>"Yeah, well, we all know it's not that simple" Donna said, smiling because she knew it was true: the firm would be collapsing if she hadn't kept it on its feet for the last decade. And Rachel knew it too, and she smile at her partner.</p><p>"So… it's pretty serious from what I can see" Rachel said with a grin. She was so happy for her friend</p><p>"It became so, yes. I guess we are in a relationship now. It feels so strange to say it…" Donna said, and then laughed.<br/>
She seemed happy too.</p><p>"Well, it definitely looks like one! He is taking you to London for your birthday, Donna. Not a small step"</p><p>"I know! And I can't wait". Now they were smiling like teenagers. But it all faded in a moment</p><p>"Have you told Harvey?"</p><p>"Yes. And he was… okay with it, apparently" Donna said, her tone was confused.</p><p>"Apparenly okay?"</p><p>"Yes, he gave me the two days. Didn't speak about it again"</p><p>"He didn't lash out, saying you can't leave work or stuff like that"</p><p>"No, he didn't. I explained and he took it"</p><p>"Well, then… if it's alright for everybody, get out of here and go home, you'll need a good night sleep" Rachel said, and then she genlty slapped Donna's ass </p><p>"Rachel!" Donna screamed while they walked out her office and when they arrived at the elevators, Stephen was there.</p><p>"Did I hear screaming?" </p><p>"Just some girls talk" Donna said with a smirk. Rachel was imbarassed and kept her head down before smiling at him. </p><p>"You two enjoy your trip. I'll call you tomorrow to sing HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you, if you're not too busy. Louis already booked me and Mike for the choir" Rachel said giggling </p><p>"Will do. And remember the time zone, Rach" Donna was smiling too, lifting her finger</p><p>"Will do. Bye Stephen" she hugged Donna and then left. </p><p>"So… I still have to pack but I though I'd make a surprise and here I am"</p><p>"You surely did" Donna said, and she was smiling. Just smiling at him, almost lost or just tired</p><p>"It's not working hours anymore, is it?" Stephen said smirking</p><p>"No, it's not" Donna answered innocently </p><p>"So I can do this" Stephen said, and he kissed her: a brief, soft kiss on her lips, keeping his hands in his pockets, just leaning his head for a second and then back. </p><p>Donna almost blushed. She wasn't expecting that. And she liked it.</p><p>"But it's still an office, Stephen" said Harvey, standing in a corner, looking at the red pony tail on the back of her tilted head. Donna turned her head: his look fixed on her, his hands in his pockets, his body totally still, his voice strict and his breath almost none. </p><p>She never used to wear her hair like this. It made her look younger and different at the same time. As if he missed it, missed something he never saw before. Harvey swallowed and his mouth dropped open. His annoyance in plain sight on his face towards her.</p><p>Harvey's expression was as tense as his stomach. He stopped a few steps from them, ready to call the elevator.</p><p>"Yes, sorry, but it's just between us, you know how -" Stephen tried to explain</p><p>"I know" Harvey interrupted him, and he looked at Donna. His eyes dark with an eloquent expression.  I know what it feels like to kiss you.</p><p>Donna had kept her eyes on him the whole time and when he turned to her again, looking at her straight in the eyes, telling her that he remembered how it, she felt like, she felt flames under her feet. She felt she wouldn't have been able to handle those two men in that situation. She felt so uncomfortable. </p><p>"We were going" Donna said. His look didn't change, he didn't move. </p><p>"Then go" Harvey said, and immediately showed a smile, "and enjoy, I guess" he said moving his arm towards the elevator.</p><p>Donna responded with the same fake smile and said "Thanks, Harvey" focusing her voice on his name. </p><p>She had had it with his attitude, so she used her move: say his name to his face, and while she entered the elevator she took Stephen's arm.<br/>
His eyes darkened as he knew what she was doing, he knew she knew it would work, and it made his stomach ache again. He swallowed as he watched her collected hair twirl as she showed a shy and ashamed smile to Stephen. He blinked and for one second his eyes met hers. His were teary with anger. </p><p>"Bye" Stephen said, Harvey just nodded and then he looked at Donna again, until the doors closed and she disappeared, facing down.</p><p>Harvey slowly moved his hand to call the other elevator and entered. He didn't feel like eating that night, only one drink and then he went to bed, having troubles falling asleep until 00:01, when it was already Donna's birthday.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. birthday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rachel, Mike and Louis really gathered together on a Saturday afternoon to send Donna a 'happy birthday' video and to choose a gift. Rachel and Louis almost argued about who knew her better and which gift they should buy. </p><p>Jessica texted her, also Benjamin, even Scottie, Gretchen called her. Donna read all the messages with a smile on her lips while walking past Buckingham Palace. She would answer later, when all texts had arrived.</p><p>When Mike called Harvey that afternoon, his voice was rough</p><p>"Harvey, hello"</p><p>"Mike? What is it"</p><p>"Were you still sleeping?!"</p><p>"Didn't get much sleep last night. Went back to bed"</p><p>"I get it, you celebrated. It won't take long, we just need some advice"</p><p>"No, I… 'we' who?"</p><p>"Rachel and Louis are discussing Donna's present. Any ideas?"</p><p>"What for?"</p><p>"Well, it's her birthday today and…"</p><p>"I know that"</p><p>Silence</p><p>"So you've known her for a long time. Something she really likes? They have all sorts of ideas but we can't decide"</p><p>"She likes…." Harvey started to say, then he got up to sit on his bed and he cleared his throat, but he didn't speak.</p><p>Mike could hear him thinking, but Harvey was lost in his thoughts, none and many things coming to his mind at the same time. </p><p>"Theatre"</p><p>Mike let him think, hearing his hands moving over his face to wake him up</p><p>"Classic theatre, you already know that" he precised. And he talked taking pauses, with a low but mesmerized voice.</p><p>"Bags. Hermes and Marni. Not much Chanel. Flowers, better with long stems. Not orange. Shiny earrings. White and pink gold, not yellow. Hats. She never wears them, but she loves hats. And musicals. Modern art and antique statues. Every Katharine Hepburn's movie. Chocolate ice cream is her favourite. And shoes, but only the pointy ones. She prefers winter over summer, and…"</p><p>Harvey drifted off. Mike felt him come back from a distant place when he said shaking his head</p><p>"I don't really know what she likes, Mike. After the first year she always chose my gifts for her and anyone else" Harvey cut short, chuckling distantly, standing up</p><p>"You mean you never bought Donna a gift?". Harvey felt so attacked when he realized it that he widened his eyes</p><p>"No, I mean I'm not good at it"</p><p>"So… some pink golden earrings could do?"</p><p>"I guess so"</p><p>"Alright, thanks. You wanna join us? Jessica is partecipating too"</p><p>"I'm fine, thank you Mike. I'll see you on Monday"</p><p>"Yes, bye Harvey"</p><p>When he hung up he was leaning on his kitchen counter looking at a cold half cup of coffee. She likes vanilla in her coffee. He felt such a strong vanilla aftertaste at the back of his throat that he felt like throwing up. Weekends had never been Harvey's favourite but this time he had planned something. Not much, but something: he wanted to take Donna out for dinner, talk, laugh, have a drink to celebrate. Just that, just the two of them like old times at Del Posto, being friends again. </p><p>He thought she deserved it. She deserved so much more but right now he couldn't give her much more than a dinner. </p><p>He thought about her, out with Stepehn, so far away, on her birthday, celebating with him in every way. </p><p>And he couldn't bring himself to call nor text her. Nothing, because she should’ve been there with him and she wasn’t and he was blaming her. He blamed her for trying to be happy on her birthday, with someone who cared about her and who didn’t play with her feelings and hadn't been playing for years, someone who was not afraid to lose her and who was brave enough to be with her. <br/>Brave enough to tell her he loved her. He blamed her for his selfishness, he blamed her because he hated himself</p><p>Why was everyone happy and not upset that she wasn't there celebrating with them? He just felt so angry, still.</p><p>As he blamed her he felt his stomach ache, his breath shortened. </p><p>He remembered Scottie was in town that night, and he picked up the phone again.</p><p>"Hey, you"</p><p>"Hey, yourself. Thought you'd never call"</p><p>"I know how to surprise you, right?"</p><p>"You sure do"</p><p>"And I'll surprise you even more. I planned dinner"</p><p>"If we're not careful we might even enjoy spending time together, Specter" Scottie laughed</p><p>"You know I do, Scottie. Pick you up at 8?"</p><p>"Perfect. See you later"</p><p>For a second Harvey was satisfied with himself. But he knew Scottie was a distraction, always had been, and deep down she knew it too. At least after she met Donna years ago, and every time she became surer and surer: she asked Harvey many times but he never managed to answer, so she settled with what she got. After the 'I hope he sees what everyone sees' phonecall and Stephen's return though, she allowed herself to have a doubt, maybe she could hope for a second chance with Harvey. But she took small steps. </p><p>Harvey called at Del Posto, asking for the same table as any time. He imagined the dinner, he even thought about what he could wear, and then he looked at the time: it was dinner time in London.</p><p>Stephen had the same idea: he took Donna to dinner in a very fancy restaurant near Regent Street, elegant but cozy enough for a date. And she looked so lovely: she was wearing a long-sleeved dark blue jumpsuit and her hair looked incredibly perfect falling on her shoulders, pearls on her ears and shiny eye-shadow around her gaze. <br/>At candle light her profile and lips seemed painted: Stephen stayed silent for a long time, just looking at her. </p><p>"You are staring" Donna grinned</p><p>"You are glowing"  Stephen answered, serious</p><p>"Thanks" she said with a soft smile. "For everything. This is amazing"</p><p>"And this is only the first day" Stephen smiled, "I want to make it great for you". And he ordered champagne.</p><p>Their dinner was lovely, really sweet and just… amazing. Donna couldn't think about another word to describe it, and after two glassed of wine Stephen looked even more hansome. She couldn't wait to tell her mom and Rachel about it. <br/>At the end of the dinner her phone made a thrill: Louis had sent her a video. They watched it together, and even if some other guests looked annoyed, they didn't care. Hearing them sing 'happy birthday' made her smile so wide, and when Louis said 'we can't wait to have you back and give you our present' she got teary eyes.<br/>She had tried all day not to think about it, but she couldn't anymore: she had heard nothing from Harvey. <br/>Her look saddened for a second and then she turned to Stephen and smiled. </p><p>"Let's let them know we are having fun" Donna said, and Stephen kissed her, smiling</p><p>Harvey was playing with his glass as Scottie was still choosing what to eat. He ordered the usual. </p><p>"White, right?"</p><p>"Yes, thank you"</p><p>They shared a bottle, but he didn't always drink gladly. Donna liked red.</p><p>They were almost through their dinner when Scottie said:</p><p>"Oh, right! I texted Donna for her birthday. How is she liking London?"</p><p>"Yeah, me too. Fine, I guess. We didn't talk much" Harvey lied, lowering his eyes</p><p>"When is she coming back?"</p><p>"On Wednesday"</p><p>"Oh, will you manage without her?" Scottie said laughing and taking her glass, but right away she saw his eyes darken and his expression flinch</p><p>"Alright, sorry. I didn't mean to…"</p><p>"It's not that, Scottie. I know I won't manage at work" Harvey said, chuckling sadly, "it's… her birthday"</p><p>He didn't even know why he was telling her that. He just needed to give voice to all his thoughts of the day</p><p>"I understand, Harvey. I remember the past years, you were all at the firm celebrating"</p><p>"It just feels a bit strange, you know. But I'm sure she's having fun. She deserves it" Harvey smiled</p><p>"She sure does" Scottie said drinking, and her tone was genuine</p><p>He never thought he would see those two women team up, and all of a sudden it made him feel so helpless: literally anyone could see how special Donna was, because she really was and he always acknowledged that, even Scottie and she told him many times, but he didn't know why he just couldn't-</p><p>"This dinner was for her, right?" Scottie said, looking at him sweetly, almost pitifully</p><p>Harvey didn't answer, his guitly look said it all</p><p>"I know this place is kind of special for the two of you, Harvey, and I was a bit surprised at first when you invited me here"</p><p>He was still silent, no expression on his face</p><p>"You needed a distraction and I completely understand that. But, as everything, it would be easier if you talked about it"</p><p>"Talk about what" Harvey said in one breath, swallowing his wine, whispering, his voice darker than ever, his eyes moving to his hands</p><p>"Her" Scottie said with a very strict tone, looking at him firmly in the eyes. <br/>After all, backing him to a corner was the only fun she would get tonight</p><p>And his expression changed as he blinked: he was now picturing Donna in front of him, under those dim familiar lights, holding her glass in one hand, her hair on the side, lips redder than usual, laughing at him, tears in her eyes and little wrinkles around them, her other hand on the table, so close to his that he could almost brush her fingers. <br/>And he pictured Stephen's blurred profile in his place. </p><p>He felt his stomach clench and the look on his face was just agony.</p><p>He was already halfway through, so he took one step further</p><p>"I just wanted to celebrate together" Harvey said. And Scottie knew it was everything she would get out of him now, this was him opening at his maximum with her.  I wanted her to celebrate with me. It should be me, but I can't even buy her a gift</p><p>"You're like a teenager"</p><p>Deep down Scottie had always been a Donna fan too: she had helped her in the past both with her relationship with Harvey and with her work. She had such admiration for Donna. She decided she would have told her at the first occasion. And as much as Scottie cared about Harvey, she was a very smart woman and she decided enough was enough. For both of them</p><p>"Excuse me?"</p><p>"Selfish. Impulsive. Thinks nothing can touch him, thinks he's better than everyone. I hoped something would change from law school but apparently…"</p><p>"Scottie, I don't want to be rude to you. You can see it's not a great day today, why are you attacking me like this?"</p><p>"Because it's not true, Harvey, and you know it. Things get to touch you now, and you even say Louis is the best lawyer you've ever met: you have changed and little is left of the young Harvey I met" Scottie said with a sweet, genuine smile, "you just can't see it yet because change takes time. And because you still are a bit selfabsorbed" she laughed. He smiled too</p><p>"You're right: I think I got soft and since me and Louis made co-managing partners I've changed the way-"</p><p>"You've been changing for almost fifteen years now, Harvey" Scottie cut him. Her eyes way too eloquent</p><p>Harvey sighed deeply, looking at her</p><p>"Scottie, stop it"</p><p>"I'll stop but you know what I mean"</p><p>"No, I don't know what you mean. You, Mike, Jessica… you all say those things about Donna and me but I really don't get it"</p><p>"Let's just say that we are your friends" Scottie said smiling. She was done torturing him for the night</p><p>"Then I don't like you being my friend" Harvey said, and they both laughed </p><p>Then Scottie took a pause and stared at him fixedly</p><p>"And I think it's better if we stayed friends from now on. Just friends" Scottie said, grinning a bit</p><p>"I agree" Harvey said with a honest face</p><p>"I'm only sorry you won't get your dessert tonight" was Scottie's last joke</p><p>"I hadn't planned dessert tonight" Harvey confessed, humbly</p><p>"I know"</p><p>They stood up and hugged</p><p>"You're a great friend, Scottie. Thank you"</p><p>"And this is only the beginning, Specter" </p><p>Scottie took his arm and they walked out together. They walked to her place and they wished goodnight.</p><p>When Harvey got home it was 00:01 of Sunday</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hey!! sorry it took so long. as always sorry for any mistake and tell me what you think! i will update soon :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. cup of tea</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Donna kept sending Rachel tons of pictures from London and told her to show them to Louis as well. </p>
<p>On Monday morning Rachel and Mike were sitting in the breakroom to drink their second coffee</p>
<p>"Look at them" Rachel said staring and smiling at a selfie of Donna and Stephen in front on the Tower Bridge. Mike joined her at the table, sat down and handled her a cup</p>
<p>"Yeah, they look good" Mike said, sipping his coffee</p>
<p>"You could at least try to sound sincere" Rachel said, lifting her right eyebrow</p>
<p>"You know I'm not a big fan of… that"</p>
<p>"I know but, c'mon" Rachel said giving Mike heart eyes, "when are you taking me to London, Mister Ross?"</p>
<p>"When I say he can" Harvey interrupted them walking in, going straight to get the coffee</p>
<p>"Goodmorning to you" Mike said, pissed, but not really</p>
<p>"And I hear Paris is the romantic one, isn't it?" Harvey said looking at Rachel just above his cup</p>
<p>"You care to join us, Harvey?" Rachel snapped back, teasing. Mike widened his eyes and almost choked on his coffee</p>
<p>Harvey stared at Rachel with a  proud smile swallowing his first sip, a bit shocked by her witty response. He enjoyed the confidence she finally got after all those years, as long as she didn't cross the line</p>
<p>"You still have to ask permission, kids" Harvey responded smiling and moving to walk away</p>
<p>"Donna would let us go" Mike joined, trying to be funny, but not really</p>
<p>Harvey stopped and turned, his hands gripping his mug and his eyebrows a bit frowned looking straight at Mike. Tu quoque </p>
<p>"Well, I don't care what Donna does" Harvey said forcing a smile, trying to stay composed, and he walked out</p>
<p>"Sensitive" Rachel whispered with laughing eyes. They loved when they teamed up like this. They giggled</p>
<p>"They can't go on like this" Mike said shaking his head a bit</p>
<p>"I know" said Rachel looking down. Then Mike took her hand and kissed it. <br/>Sometimes they felt like Harvey and Donna were behaving like teenagers and they were their parents. </p>
<p>Going back to his office, Harvey saw Donna’s cubicle empty, and even though he knew he wouldn't find her there, it shocked him anyway. He wasn't ready<br/>He needed to swallow as he slowed his pace walking down the corridor: for once he didn’t feel angry that she wasn’t there.</p>
<p>He just missed her.</p>
<p>He was so used having her by his office that he thought she would show up the second he turned around. He tried, and he felt so stupid.</p>
<p>She would be sit, tipying at her computer, wearing her electric blue dress that was in perfect contrast with her hair and that followed her curves like a brush. </p>
<p>After all those years, Harvey still had to focus not to let his eyes slip a bit too far down. She always noticed anyway. </p>
<p>Harvey thought about when she would come back and he would see her again. And how she would look even more beautiful to his eyes. Because he knew she would. </p>
<p>That day he didn’t feel angry. <br/>He just missed her: and not her dress or her long necklace that fell exactly between her breasts, but her smirk, her lifted eyebrow, the annoying click sound of her favourite 4 colors pen, how her hair would still fall perfectly on her shoulders after she had twirled to close his door behind her, the small ‘D.’ at the end of every note she left on his desk, the look she would give him through the glass anytime he asked an obvious question, her smile when he would pour their drinks. <br/>And her voice, calling his name, in every tone on the scale of human emotions. </p>
<p>It didn’t feel like his office without her right outside, it didn’t feel right to go on with the work without her schedule, it didn’t feel normal to see her chair vacant and her intercome off. </p>
<p>He sat a bit heavier at his desk, starting to move on his chair trying to think. </p>
<p>He realized he was looking at Donna's back covered in red hair, but it wasn't there. And his stomach ached again. And he felt guilty: he missed her so much and he didn’t even say ‘happy birthday’. Idiot. In 13 years that had never happened; and in 13 years Donna had never spent her birthday without him. </p>
<p>The memories of her first birthday together came to his mind: they were at the DA's office and it had been nothing special (she had only told him the day before) but Harvey still had asked everyone to stay a bit later to celebrate together. He knew she'd care. He had told Bertha to buy Donna's favourite cupcakes (the ones with strawberries and wipped cream) and he had bought whiskey and wine for everyone. They didn't have a candle so Harvey just lighted a match in front of Donna's face and she had blown it closing her eyes and smiling so widely. </p>
<p>He could still perfectly picture her face next to his as she blew the flame, how the light illuminated her profile and her red lips, her eyes when she opened them and looked at him. And hugged him. And kissed him on the cheek. He remembered his stomach ached back then as well as it did the present day. That had been one of the last times she had been happy because of him. </p>
<p>How long they had come. How many mistakes he had made, how many times he had hurt her just because he was too proud, too closed, too afraid. When she only tried to be his friend, and she had been. Every step of the way. She even got him to make peace with his mother. How could she be like that: that fierce, that stubborn, that smart, that resilient, that beautiful, that honest, that rightful, that patient, that lovely. And he took her for granted, when he was nothing like her. </p>
<p>He missed her and maybe he knew why. She knew it too, he had told her why years ago. But none of them believed it. </p>
<p>That night he finished early, it was almost still afternoon, so he grabbed a beagle on the way home and when he arrived at his condo he looked for a gift for Donna. He knew her favourite cupcakes were out of the question, but he knew excactly what it would have been. </p>
<p>He only had to find it. </p>
<p>Donna had just hung up with her mom when Stephen hugged her from behind and placed a soft kiss on her neck</p>
<p>“Hey”</p>
<p>Donna enjoyed it but suddenly she felt a strange feeling in her gut, and she winced</p>
<p>“Sorry” she said lowering her eyes, turning and hugging him back</p>
<p>“Is that a new perfume?”</p>
<p>“Yes. Well, an old one I only bring when I travel”</p>
<p>“I like it” Donna said with a forced smile. I know this perfume </p>
<p>“So, ready to visit the enemy’s office?” Stephen said laughing</p>
<p>“Don’t tempt me, I could enjoy it more than you think” Donna said with a smirk, only to take her mind off the though of him</p>
<p>When they arrived at the firm, Donna felt unsure. And it was a first for her. </p>
<p>She istintively took Stephen's hand while they walked down the hall and he didn't seem to care, even if he didn't even turn to look at her. No one was looking at her but she felt like everybody was judjing her. When they entered the elevator she felt relieved, but she didn't let go of Stephen's hand. He was smiling proudly or anxiously, she couldn't say. </p>
<p>The second the doors opened, Darby welcomed them, and Stephen istantly let go of her hand. </p>
<p>Donna was left a bit disorieted by that, but she recollected herself immediatly and smiled widely at Darby.</p>
<p>"Stephen, welcome back" he said with a familiar tone</p>
<p>"And welcome to London, Miss Paulsen!" he said with a higher voice, Donna thought he was almost joking</p>
<p>"A plasure to be here, Mr. Darby" she said politely, "and anything for the firm" she said closing her smile</p>
<p>"Exactly" Darby said with a very british smile, "now, if you don't mind, it won't take long but I have some business to discuss with Stephen. Have a tour or ask my secretary for a tea, please" and he turned to walk away</p>
<p>"Make yourself at home, honey" Stephen said opening his arms, with a very awkward look on his face, walking away to follow his boss. </p>
<p>Honey. </p>
<p>She had never seen him act so compliantly and… childish. And there she was, on her own, in the middle of a firm that was not hers (it was, but not really), on a very cloudy day in London. </p>
<p>She was wearing a pair of jeans and a jumper, flat shoes and her bright hair was cought up in a pony tail. She felt so out of place she almost walked back to the elevator, when she heard a familiar voice:</p>
<p>"Donna?"</p>
<p>She turned, surprised to hear that voice</p>
<p>"Scottie?"</p>
<p>"I almost didn't recognize you!"</p>
<p>"Me neither" said Donna smiling, looking down at her outfit, and then looking at Scottie's beautiful Vivienne Westwood tailleur</p>
<p>“And thank you again for your wishes”</p>
<p>"Sure, Donna. Hope Stephen got you celebrating! I was talking to Harvey the other night and he told me you're going back on Wednesday”</p>
<p>"Oh, right, yes, we leave tomorrow evening. I thought you were to stay in New York for a while" Donna catched up</p>
<p>"You know, usual emergency" Scottie said lifting her shoulders, "but it never really is" she whispered with a hand on her mouth, smirking</p>
<p>"Oh, don't tell me" Donna responded with a wide, genuine smile</p>
<p>"I arrived last night and leave tomorrow afternoon. Guess I'll see you all on Wednesday, then.  Now forgive me but I have to go" Scottie said, but she lingered a bit longer. Maybe she’ll tell her another time</p>
<p>"Guess so. Bye Scottie, have a good day" Donna said with a small wave of her hand</p>
<p>She watched Scottie walking away, and she felt a bittersweet taste in her mouth because she was jelous of her elegant dress. And because she spent her birthday night with Harvey, she just knew they went out for dinner. And he didn’t even text her. She wondered what excuse he’d come up with when she returned, then she shook her head. </p>
<p>She actually went to Darby’s secretary to ask for tea: the woman inicially stared at her for a while, then she stretched a smile and led her to the breakroom. </p>
<p>Donna drank her tea alone, thinking her birthday had been spectacular, but this was not what she expected.  And she didn’t even like tea</p>
<p>All of a sudden she missed her big morning cup of coffee with a splash of vanilla at the office. </p>
<p>She handn’t had one in three days and neither had Harvey. </p>
<p>She just wanted to see Rachel and Louis and him. For the first time since she arrived to London, she didn’t stop herself from thinking about Harvey. Because she realized she missed him, and not as a collegue, but as a friend, her best friend for 13 years, someone she couldn’t think about a (foreseeable) future without. She just missed having him around, and more than once during her tour around the city she had found herself thinking “oh, Harvey would like that” and “Harvey would laugh so much about this” or “he’d say he doesn’t like it but I know he does”. </p>
<p>And she smiled at the empty tea cup on her lap, sadly, almost ashamed because she didn’t feel grateful enough for that amazing birthday celebration. </p>
<p>She had tried so many times, she was still trying and she would have continued to try for she couldn’t know how long, but what she had told Thomas was true: he was someone she didn’t know how to cut out of her, but she wanted to. She just didn’t know if she would ever be able to do it. </p>
<p>At home, Harvey had changed his clothes and he was now wearing his favourite long sleeve, dark gray t-shirt, the one with a small stain of red wine on the lower eadge, the one he was wearing the day he moved there and Donna spilled wine over his new sofa while they were eating thai food to celebrate, as always.</p>
<p>He had already washed it so many times but the stain was still there, and somehow he was glad. For a moment his stomach ached. <br/>He ignored the seven texts he recieved from Louis asking when Donna would be back and then he started to look for her present: he just wanted her to know that everything was fine between them, that they were still them after all, or at least they still could try to be. But he knew it wouldn't be possible: after Scottie, Thomas, Paula, Faye, Jessica almost getting disbarred, Mike telling him he would move to Seattle with Rachel and now Stephen (again), everything had got too personal on every level. It was impossible to say where anyone's professional life ended and where the personal started. <br/>His and Donna's lines, anyway, had always been very blurred. And there was no line he would cross without her.</p>
<p>Harvey went to his bedroom, opened his wardrobe and he took an old box on the highest shelf, one he had opened only once or twice since he had moved in.</p>
<p>And there it was, among old papers, a pen, a worn out shirt and things he didn't even remembered he had kept: a picture from Donna's first birthday as his secretary, the one without the candle and with strawberries cupcakes. </p>
<p>He remembered he had kept it but he still didn’t know why exactly. Maybe now he was starting to understand. Usually after he had dreamt of her, his mind would go back to that picture, knowing it was there, with no particular reason. It was just a picture, he and Donna had taken so many others at various events, parties and dinners. But that one was their first: before “the other time”, before they made partner, before they all risked to go to prison, when everything was still a possibility that they both hoped could happen. But didn’t. </p>
<p>When Donna had brought in all the pictures to show them at the DA’s office, she wanted everyone to have one, and Harvey had chosen that one. With no explanation, he looked at them, he picked that picture with no expression on his face, without saying anything, he just smiled lifting his eyes to Donna and then he went back to his desk.</p>
<p>“Are you gonna keep it?” Donna asked him innocently </p>
<p>“Why not, I look good” Harvey said with his usual grin, and Donna rolled her eyes smiling</p>
<p>“Thank you again, Harvey. I appreciated it” Donna now said seriously, but smiling </p>
<p>“I knew you would. Didn’t know you like strawberries so much though”</p>
<p>“Oh you don’t know the half of it” Donna had said, walking away</p>
<p>And now looking at it, the taste of strawberries came to his mouth. Now he knew how much she liked strawberries, and maybe that's why he rarely eats them. <br/>Donnas was leaning on her desk, Harvey was at her side, shoulder to shoulder, she had a cupcake in her hands but she was laughing looking at someone across the room, with her hair messed up, her cheeks red and her eyes almost closed because she was smiling so widely. Harvey’s face was turned to her, looking for her eyes, a tiny smile on his lips, a glass of whiskey in his hand and a sparkle in his eyes. </p>
<p>Harvey stared at the picture for a few minutes, without thinking about anything or thinking about too many things. A genuine smile appeared on his lips, but it turned sad in a second: Donna looked so young and happy, he used to see that smile more often back then. Now her smile hadn't changed but it almost never showed, and when it did, Harvey was always caught by surprise. Now her face was more serious, her hair longer and straighter, her pose more elegant. He thought about how they literally grew up together in those 13 years and it seemed to him it all slipped away in a second. He let it all slip away. <br/>Harvey wondered how Donna would see him now, if changed, if grown, if better. He was sure he wouldn't be half as good as he was if Donna wasn't with him. Not a great man, but a good one.</p>
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